I also used to go on the Stanford website and wonder how amazing it would be if I were to become a student there someday. >before I realized that the kind of people who go to these types of schools are usually so intellectually far ahead of you, conversations often come off as condescending or end up making you feel ignorant<
When I was little I'd chew on the ends of these yellow flowers that grow near my house because my babysitter said it tasted like sour apples. >before I saw all the dogs that brush by to mark their territory in the bushes<
I used to dream silly nightmares, about aliens and killer Jim Careys and monsters trying to break into my house. When I grew up I dreamed of real-life nightmares, of failing tests and getting rejected.
When I was a little yellow belt I told my instructor I wished I was a white belt again, so I wouldn't have to learn all of the forms. He asked me if I wanted to, I could. I've realized that even though it's nice to be naive and innocent, becoming educated about the world and learning more about yourself is worth the sacrifice and the pains of making mistakes and taking unnecessary detours.
I remember actually thinking about what it would be like if I ever acquired a time machine and could start over again from grade 2. My mind would still be the same, I would be a 20-something year old redoing nearly 14 years of regression. How boring and sad that would be. There's no way to redo things and make them "perfect" it seems. My reality checker once said that you do everything the best you can at that point in time, and so there's no need for regret. Even so, it's hard to think this way sometimes, when all you can see is the imaginary green grass. I guess I'll keep trying. I mean there really isn't a choice is there.
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