Clownfish

I was thinking today how interesting people are. Sometimes it seems as though the best way to approach a problem (at least momentarily) is to avoid it. People go about this through exercise, sleeping, meds, interaction with other people, interaction alone..I wonder why humans are so easily exhausted-either emotionally or physically.

I remember my first time visiting this school there was a psy professor who said that she was researching on why some people can keep running into obstacles and overcome them whereas others, in the same situation, break. I guess it just depends on your way of thinking. Yesterday I was talking to a friend about how different we were in comparison to our mutual friends. It made me a little sad at first, because it seemed condescending and unfair to talk about such a thing without having said people there to defend themselves. Maybe it was the herd mentality (albeit there were only two in the herd), but it did strike me once she pointed out the glaring fact that a lot of people don't have drive for some reason. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. But it seems as though living in such a lackadaisical manner is seen as something of a crime from the perspective of someone who lives and breathes on dreams.

I don't think I'm better than anyone else, or worse for that matter. It just struck me as interesting that there are people who have never thought of what the future can bring. Living life as a jellyfish does have its perks, I'm sure. There is no stress when you live day to day because all mistakes and regrets have a lifespan of 24 hours. But I wonder if that can become fertilizer to make you grow. If you never keep your memories with you and learn from mistakes it is as if one is constantly forgetting the road map and running into the same pot holes.

I like how living in this great big world has allowed me to meet so many different people. I like being able to learn something new everyday and being able to potentially use it in the future. I used to analyze my goal to death-the idea of wanting to help people for a living. I wonder if altruism really exists because most of the time you don't get any benefit from hurting people. And more often than not you get hurt in the process of reaching out to someone else. The only benefit I can possibly see from helping others is the fact that you feel warm inside afterwards because you did something good. But if this is true, then helping people is a selfish act in itself and what was supposed to be a pure thing is actually a very egotistical thing. Still, I can't think of anything else that would make me happier in this world. Of course, being with my puppy also makes me deliriously happy.

I don't know where I picked up the bad habit of over-analyzing things, but I find myself doing it far too often. I think it's gotten better over the years though. And I think that after I met him I stopped taking myself so seriously. I think I learned how to laugh a lot more with him. But in the process I also neglected a few things that I need to catch up on. It's a little ironic though since he was also the one to make me realize this so I guess it's a mutualistic relationship afterall. I <3>