The air is so still it's stifling.
My day: woke up to see puppy, lab, class, discussion, home for puppy+ spaghetti, more excuses from terrible subleaser, fight with puppy (tiff?), off to virology review (fell asleep~so exhausting), off to library to study, listened to voice mails over again because missing someone, came back at midnight, missing someone, shower, will sleep and repeat.
It seems as though my life is stuck in the proverbial rut in which I can't get out..everything instantaneously turned black and white when he left..that or illuminated by fluorescent lights. The humming of silence is mind numbing. I'm tired of work, I just want to sleep. But even in dreams I have to be alone. Stupid technology has conditioned me to think laptop=boyfriend. Therefore, sleeping is even more alone when you're dreaming about talking to a computer.
I am conflicted by a need for sleep and a want for macaroni and cheese, cheeseburger/phillycheese steak at Steak and Hoagie's (sp), chicken nuggets, and strawberry or chocolate chip cheesecake. Binge eating:my Anti drug. Just kidding.
You know there's some (un)healthy connection/relationship bond going on when you can't go to sleep without hearing someone's voice. Or rather, nothing is more stress relieving than that. Hmm actually, it's very logical. Something like listening to a mother's heartbeat or people's voices when you're all safe and warm. I wonder if certain things are conditioned even before we are born.
It's somewhat ironic that I don't say I love you when I'm feeling unloved, rather than having the intention to make the person feel unloved.
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