fluffernutter

Is it sad that when I hear people laughing I usually think of cruel things rather than people being happy?

I can't remember the last time I was happy about being here. Everything smells like rust and smoke. I also can't remember how I used to be, but in a distant memory (at the risk of sounding horribly depressing) I think I was a very happy person.

Wonder when all this is going to get sorted out, and when people will stop taking advantage of each other.

Went into lab today as usual, got everything done as usual. Washed glassware, went to class (didn't fall asleep but still got lost), made lunch, made dinner, brushed teeth, studied, got ice cream, studied, brushed teeth, studying.

Talked about some rather important things over dinner. Not sure whether to take it to heart or not, but it seems like sound advice when it's being given from experience. I wish things were simpler. But nothing is easy or simple at this time and age. And what is wrong at only having one experience and letting it grow and expand over time? Is it so wrong to find one thing you're good at, or one person you do very well with and just sticking to that? I don't understand why people keep insisting that I try every sort of icecream out there when I've tried one that decidedly goes well with me every time I have it. I am happy with this, so how long do I need to run with it before it's decidedly real?

This 'serious world', with its material possessions and making money for food, housing, and transportation. Whereas in the past, if one were so inclined, such things were available to everyone. Such a difficult life. I just want to be happy with the ones I love, but it seems as though there's quite a bit of work to it. I don't mind working, rather, I prefer it. But it seems as though just getting work is a struggle in itself.

And then there are times and words when I feel as though I shouldn't put so much effort as I have in the past. There are times when I feel completely unwanted and any further work upon my part is wasted energy. I have a hard time of discerning the line where I should just walk away. Need to wake up early tomorrow, sleep time now.