Went out last night after judo for some drugs and alcohol with some interesting people.
Of course, my drug was food (because someone brought up the idea of going to Kobachi, which I love but can't afford so it's a love-hate relationship but I reallly wanted fish last night, so..), the alcohol was green tea/lemon water and the interesting people were judo people.
To be honest, I did have the intention of going out last night to celebrate finishing the first phase of applying to grad school (GRE general). But I met up with a bunch of really cool people and we actually had fun having a conversation not involving alcohol (have dinner with a human sexuality TA and several intelligent but strange individuals ravaged by yellow plague and see where that takes you). Drove home and had a meaningful conversation about things I normally just stifle while simultaneously dodging hoards of drunken zombies shuffling along to their prospective places of debauchery. And watching people act that stupidly, well it just kind of deterred me from wanting to take part in that kind of thing even for a moment.
I'm glad I've met the people I have. You have to search a little, maybe even for 3/4 years you are stuck in a certain place, but I was finally able to find the people that I can talk to and laugh with. Especially when, for once in my life, I don't have a feeling of being lonely niggling in the back of my mind when it begins to wander.
It's an exhilarating albeit bittersweet feeling to come home to an apartment with people who are on a completely different channel to know that there is still one person I can speak to about everything under the sun. It's bittersweet because I can't hold or touch (or bellybutton poke or belly rub or purple nurple..that's a different story for a different day..) this person as I normally would if he were here. All the same, it's a good feeling when you know that there is someone out there just for you. Of course we fight but then we make up because you should never go to sleep sad or mad.
Come to think of it, I did* go to sleep sad last night (hypocritical, I know, but I couldn't help it). It was my thinking process rather than the reality of it actually. It makes me sad to think a certain way sometimes. The weather and thought processes very easily influence my mood, although I've heard that it is true for a lot of people. So going to sleep sad-it made me have a sad sad dream although I can't remember what it was, you wake up with a headache and feel unloved, and for me, my feet were sticking out of the blanket and got all cold-trust me, it sucks. All in all I try to avoid this situation but stuff happens I suppose.
I wonder if I'm a very cynical person at heart~I had set out to speak of my fun night only to end with talking about waking up sad. Welp, I'm playing with my roommate's dog right now he's a silly poodle with a little poodle dog fro (which reminds me of my significant other's adorable hair..) and his tongue is longer than his jaw so it's constantly sticking out (the dog, not my boyfriend) which is really cute too.
Recently I've found an attraction to retarded looking things. Like stuffed animals who have strange quirks (my puppy got me a leukocyte plushy <3 which for some reason has bulging eyes..). I don't know why but I really like imperfect things. I think it has something to do with an innate inferiority complex. If I were to touch something perfect, I'd be afraid of ruining or breaking it. So I'd never have any fun with it. Things and people that are flawed though, I can be completely myself with-rough housing, arguing and laughing together. I think it's better than pining after perfection and pursuing ultimate beauty crap.
p.s. Last night was only considered somewhat ideal because I didn't get to go to sleep cuddling with a certain puppy and we didn't get to argue about who loves the other more or counting the reasons I love him and then losing count just so I can start all over again. I'd go on, but I think what the masses call it these days is 'TMI'.
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