Before happily ever after

I need to stop trying for things that don't matter. It's just adds more unnecessary stress.

I guess it would be fine for 2+ people to be trying for whatever it is that they're trying to do, but that's if they're all on the same page, going towards the same goals and having the same thing in mind. Alas, I'm not clairvoyant and more often than not for some reason unknown to me, I often presume that people are thinking along the same lines as me. That's probably why I often get thrown into a loop, so I'll be sure to try my best and kick this habit. I get into misunderstandings, I get hurt, and hurt other people because they feel like they've gotten roped into something they never wanted to be involved with in the first place, and I look like the villain. But of course, it's always my fault.

I should have known that I shouldn't be trying so hard in the first place when the alternative short cut was already so cheap, convenient, and acceptable in the first place. If it ain't broke don't fix it I suppose. When someone says something that makes me feel like I'm the offender, that I victimized this person somehow, turning the situation around so that it seems as if I'm demanding unreasonable things and not giving anything in return..it makes me not want to talk to that person anymore.

Two isn't always better than one.
I've been enjoying my work in the lab more recently. I love seeing the results when everything goes hunkydory even though it's frustrating when the results don't come back alright and I have to start all over again. But that's the thing with lab, or work, really. In general you can start all over from the beginning if you have to. There's no one, (usually) there to tell you that you're a hindrance, an inconvenience that gets in the way of fun. I like it better when I'm dealing with coworkers and friends-everything is usually very simple and I generally have fun hanging out with these people for work and play. This relationship crap tangles everything up and makes me come undone. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Or spent any money come to think of it. I should have just let the dice fall where they may, sit back and see how it all plays out. Because if it's real it'll work out, and if it's all a facade that's waiting to blow up in my face then that would have come with time too. I shouldn't have been so childish as to not wait. I could have spent more time with friends and family, food, and Panda. But I got needy and had to go. gah I knew I'd kick myself in the face for it.

As an intuitive woman, I fail at life, I think. I see the mines but I jump right in to see what will happen. I wonder if I expect too much out of this. Maybe years of Disney Princess brainwashing and then Nicholas Sparks (when I got older) has made me untastefully idealistic. Or maybe I shouldn't be doing this to myself. This overanalyzing business. But I do wonder if it's overanalyzing or if I'm just wondering what's wrong because I feel hurt very often and that's generally an indicator that something is not right. When your left arm goes numb, there is a problem and you need to fix it immediately. I wonder if I should see someone about this shooting pain in my chest..

Things people fight about (in no particular order):

1. money
   
2. religion
3. kids/how to raise the kids/how many (sometimes)
4. laundry (folding socks, where to put dirty underwear) / household chores (see: trash law)
   
5. sleep schedules
6. 'us' time
   
7. opposite sex friends
8. what to do with free time (ie TV versus going out)
9. classification of relationship(hs/college relationship/open/serious/complicated..)
10. the Future*
11. the past

Hm. No wonder some people never get married. I'm sure there are perks to it, and I'll get to experience that one day, but at this age it's rather difficult.