Last night was interesting to say the least, hearing the truth from several of my friends put me in a bit of a cynical mood for quite a while though. And I felt bad seeing as one of my friends hardly goes out and she was so excited to be there but I just wasn't in the mood because there was so much on my mind and to hear her sum it up made it sound so trivial to the point of not even being worth mentioning but I was very short with her and it might have hurt her feelings but at the time I was so hurt I wasn't able to notice. So many people who don't think it'll work..but my problems are petty compared to others. This person was always so coldly uncaring, borderline angry and yet a few words and actions led him to break down. People are vulnerable creatures. I would have probably done the same, and then leave the dirty job of cleaning up to my friends. Still, it's not fair and it seems almost as if the ones who are most sensitive to such things are the ones who have to end up with dealing with them. I don't respect people who use others for pleasure or entertainment, discarding them when they get bored. I've noticed this in girls the most lately but it's true about men too, I should know. It makes me very sad when the ones closest to me are getting hurt or hurting each other. And all the while the one that was once closest to me is drifting even further away from me. When it comes to the feeling of adventure and novelty, of course I won't measure up. I was around him for a year so the entertainment value is bound to wear off at some point..even more so when it comes to people who have supposedly saved you from being bored/lonely.
One of my friends doesn't believe in forever, he says I should give up and just enjoy where I am. But the thing is, I can't even if I were to cut my ties. I'm always thinking about the one I'd rather be with even when I'm surrounded by other people. Sometimes, it's the feeling is the strongest during these times. It made me feel a little sorry for him, to lose any hope of having a happy relationship for the rest of his life,(it's not that impossible of an idea)..he told me of a friend who said that he wanted to marry a girl because he wanted to be with her forever and he had scoffed. He said, people should never say forever because there are no forevers..it was like watching Up all over again. I really don't have a problem with the idea of forever. It's my version of heaven on earth-to be near the person you care the most about everyday, (or at least once a week..maybe?). To eat, sleep, watch movies, go to the park, grocery shopping, puppy shopping, reading, napping, underwear shopping, dancing (in the kitchen), exploring, watching the stars, making fun of Walmart people (maybe not), cooking, swimming, loving ..I think it would be amazing to have someone to do all this with.
Well at the very least, my dearest wish is that everyone will find what they are looking for. Because it's this searching business that drives everyone insane.
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