Misanthropy

My roommates. As in the girls who are consistently high/drunk enough to never do the dishes but for some reason constantly rearrange the cabinets and fridge so I can't find anything. Oh, and they eat/throw away my food.

People who half ass relationships (this doesn't necessarily apply to me). As in professional, familial, or romantic. A friend of mine is currently getting screwed over by his "girlfriend", (who refuses to tell anyone about their relationship) but of course, he stays because "love is blind". It seems to me as if those who care the most usually get shafted. One of my good friends told me last week that (from his perspective) I'm the type of person who sees things that are broken and tries to fix them. I guess that's partially true. I would go out of my way to save something if I thought it could be saved. Ironic, that last week I should realize that I was the only one trying to do the fixing~I would have put less in less effort (ergo less heartache), but then again that's not me. I put in my all or nothing at all. Always. I'm consistent that way. And that's why I don't really like inconsistent people. Because I hate feeling lost, and sometimes I feel as if other people's loss of identity will rub off on me. There is nothing worse than getting disappointed or let down by the people you care about. I've noticed recently, in terms of those close to me, that the kinder person in the relationship is taken advantage of.

I am constantly getting screwed over, or so it appears. Like knowingly getting into a relationship with a time limit..I can't even remember why I agreed to that. It's not me at all. I remember there was a short period in time in which I would've moved anywhere, left everything behind, thrown away any plans simply to be with one person. I was a fool.

I don't go for transient, shallow things. I usually look for any promise of permanence because I like to commit to important things-they usually get better with time (like doing work with purpose). Lesson learned I suppose.



#37: People with annoying laughs (*coughwhoremouthcough*)
I always liked people watching because you can see things that the people themselves don't even see. Take for instance, when a girl makes it painfully obvious that she wants to screw some guy. Arm stroking, blaming intoxication, etc. I can just tell that she will piss me off the moment I meet her (hopefully never) and I'll probably have to exercise self restraint to keep from just smacking her cheating smile off her face. And I used to be such a nice girl..

#38: Being jealous.
I hate being jealous. It's such a gritty feeling. I generally think that if I'm jealous of something, it's better to let go of it so that it ceases to make me a bad person. Maybe I'm just being egotistical. People who want it all, even if they already have something amazing, they'll be on the lookout for other people's things because what other people have will always be so much more appealing..I think I'll be irritated by these people till the day I die.. A friend of mine who recently got out of a gang once told me, "life's a bitch and then you die." I don't think life is so pessimistic as that, but I can just tell that this relationship is going to quietly break me down. As in I'm a wall minding my own business and it comes along, going at it like a cement drill. Ow.

Some of the best and hardest moments in my life thus far, but I suppose you have to take the good with the bad.

Half way across the river, might as well jump in.